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6 Signs You Might Have An Enormous Hog
Because sex sells
As the third-lowest-rated writer on this site, I possess rare and highly illuminating insight into the human condition — I also have an enormous hog.
You might not see the point of an article like this. You might think a gift like mine would be self-evident, but you would be wrong — probably because of your tiny wang.
Sometimes, it takes years before you realize you are super-well endowed. I assumed everybody else was packing a baby arm in their boxers like I was. I didn’t see it as anything special.
It wasn’t until much later in life I realized how truly extraordinary it — and, by extension, I — was.
So in the interest of saving years of lost time for my big dick bro-sephs, I present this handy list of six indicators you might have a large penis.
6. You don’t own a cellphone.
Cellphones are for people who need to make themselves available. If you’ve got a Magic Johnson, that’s on everybody else, bro.
Why would you even need something like that? If people want to get a hold of you, they know where you’re at.
5. You’re constantly on vacation despite having forty-six dollars in your bank account.
I had to look this one up, but it’s true: some people have to use their own money if they want to go to picturesque locations like Posticino or some overwater huts in Fiji or wherever we cool kids are going these days.
I guess they don’t have any rich friends with a private jet who will be like, “Hey Eric, wanna come with us to the U.S. Virgin Islands for a few weeks?” — Strange, but true!
4. You still refer to Grogu as “Baby Yoda.”
Here’s another one I had to look up because I didn’t believe it at first — even though he really looks like Yoda, he’s not — he’s not even a baby!
I had never heard it, but I guess he has had a name for a while now. If you’re like me, you probably have just…
