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Andrew Rodwin, Mirthling
Republican Right Excoriates Woke Bowel Movements

Republican Right Excoriates Woke Bowel Movements

‘You can’t squeeze out an honest God-fearing American BM, move your fellow traveling keester to Brussels,’ declares Paul Gosar
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Andrew Rodwin
Five Breakout Recipes to Tone and Sculpt Your Microbiome

Five Breakout Recipes to Tone and Sculpt Your Microbiome

Not your father’s Bacteroides Melaninogenicus
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Andrew Rodwin
Caitlin Clark Wakes From Fever Dream, Hires On at State Farm

Caitlin Clark Wakes From Fever Dream, Hires On at State Farm

One woman’s journey from elite NCAA point guard to All-Star claims adjuster
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Andrew Rodwin
Care and Feeding of Your New Pet Yeast

Care and Feeding of Your New Pet Yeast

Your handy guide to the yeast common denominator
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Andrew Rodwin
Detailed Text Instructions for Sitters Who Watch Mom and Dad

Detailed Text Instructions for Sitters Who Watch Mom and Dad

There’s a Kevlar vest in the hall closet, just your size
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Andrew Rodwin
How to Speak ‘Cable Company Support Rep’

How to Speak ‘Cable Company Support Rep’

To press 5, press 5; to press 6, press 6; to press 8 —
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Andrew Rodwin
Microsoft To Turn Non-Profit

Microsoft To Turn Non-Profit

Softies thrilled world’s biggest company will ghost late-stage capitalism
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Andrew Rodwin
NIST Specifications, Tolerances, and Other Technical Requirements for Humor

NIST Specifications, Tolerances, and Other Technical Requirements f...

As adopted by the 106th National Conference on Tomfoolery, known formally as ‘Thomas Foolery, Esq.’
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Andrew Rodwin
Bracket-Busting March Madness Teams You Should Have Picked

Bracket-Busting March Madness Teams You Should Have Picked

The infinite well of human regret
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Andrew Rodwin
One-Way Skate to the Eternal Penalty Box — Yes, There’s An App For That

One-Way Skate to the Eternal Penalty Box — Yes, There’s An App For ...

Reviews of dead people, brought to you by Yelp Thanatos®
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Andrew Rodwin
Little House of Fellow Travelers on the Prairie

Little House of Fellow Travelers on the Prairie

Pupation, miscegenation, and twinkleberries
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Andrew Rodwin
Swaggerjacking a Worn Humor Trope — or — Too Exhaustipated to Write in Paragraphs?

Swaggerjacking a Worn Humor Trope — or — Too Exhaustipated to Write...

Oy vey, you need a subtitle too?!?
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Andrew Rodwin
OK, Yeah, I’m a Jackass — but by God Wilma, I Gotta Set You Straight!

OK, Yeah, I’m a Jackass — but by God Wilma, I Gotta Set You Straight!

Splainin’ splained right
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Andrew Rodwin
We Admitted We Were Powerless Over Latvian Teenagers Shredding Our Passwords

We Admitted We Were Powerless Over Latvian Teenagers Shredding Our ...

Research update from a twelve-step authentication program
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Andrew Rodwin
eBay Coupon Codes for Authentic Eavesdropping Gear From Watergate Hotel

eBay Coupon Codes for Authentic Eavesdropping Gear From Watergate H...

Because nothing says ‘loser’ like getting caught with a knock-off
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Andrew Rodwin
Axiom or Apostasy: What Science Tells Us About the Five-Second Rule

Axiom or Apostasy: What Science Tells Us About the Five-Second Rule

PS: My Neapolitan Mastiff shat there this morning
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Andrew Rodwin
FBI to Big Catheter: ‘You’re In a World of Hurt’

FBI to Big Catheter: ‘You’re In a World of Hurt’

Ghost catheters channel profits, drain Medicare
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Andrew Rodwin
So Many Burning Questions About Limp Bizkit

So Many Burning Questions About Limp Bizkit

And just so desperate to ask them
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Andrew Rodwin
Crystal Nich0las,— YOu Changed My Life!

Crystal Nich0las,— YOu Changed My Life!

Online Mn-02 work? FOr reals? 0MFG!
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Andrew Rodwin
Corporate America Eyes Branding Bonanza in Unsponsored Driveway Basketball Nets

Corporate America Eyes Branding Bonanza in Unsponsored Driveway Bas...

Skateboard parks, hopscotch courts going fast
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Andrew Rodwin
Looking for Dove in All the Wrong Places

Looking for Dove in All the Wrong Places

You’re not selling soap — you’re selling destiny
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Andrew Rodwin
Customer Support Careers for Post-Doc Physicists

Customer Support Careers for Post-Doc Physicists

Cobbling together a Theory of Everything while peeing in a cup at your desk
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Andrew Rodwin
A Letter to Our Readers From the Editor-in-Chief of Sport Illustrated

A Letter to Our Readers From the Editor-in-Chief of Sport Illustrated

TLDR: Breathe. We will still publish a swimsuit issue
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Andrew Rodwin
Michelin Guide’s Official 2023 Reject Pile

Michelin Guide’s Official 2023 Reject Pile

“You, you, you… GET OUT!”
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Andrew Rodwin
Take Two Aspirin and Call Me From the After Life

Take Two Aspirin and Call Me From the After Life

Time heals all wounds, but not in your great again American frontal lobe
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Andrew Rodwin
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