WHO I’M NOT
Misconceptions People Have About Me
A not-me guide — my version — to people who have the wrong version
Misconception 1: I’m nice.
Misconception 2: I’m calm.
Misconception 3: I’m too nice and calm.
Misconception 4: I act like I’m nice and too calm.
Misconception 5: I am weak. “Cannot lift my own hand” type of weak.
Misconception 6: I’m underweight.
Misconception 7: I’m overweight.
You don’t have to worry about my weight. Or anyone else’s. At all. I know it makes you feel like you are the most caring person in that group of the most caring people in this caring world of ours. But you don’t have to.
It’s ok to look at a person and not know their weight. It’s alright. You will still be caring. I will still find you caring. You are caring.
Even if it’s a misconception.
Misconception 8: I’m an introvert. I won’t open my mouth once I shut it.
Misconception 9: I’m an extrovert. I won’t shut my mouth once I open it.
Misconception 10: I like it when people call me dude.
Misconception 11: I like it when people call each other dude.
Misconception 12: I love it when my 7-year-old dude cousin calls me a dude.
Misconception 13: I have an 8-pack.
I see how you think checking out my packs after asking “Can you even lift your own hand?” makes you sound nice. It’s nice. Just so nice.
But you are wrong. Nicely wrong. I don’t have an 8-pack.
It’s still a 5-and-a-quarter pack. A little towards 5-and-a-half-pack. Which is not an 8-pack. And getting someone’s pack wrong is not nice. At all.
Misconception 14: I find it easy to comb my hair.
Misconception 15: I’m dependent — not independent — because I can not comb my hair.
Try having frizzy hair you have no idea how to control.
Misconception 16: I’m dumb.
Misconception 17: I’m untrendy.
Misconception 18: I’m perfectly untrendy. Without an insta account.
Misconception 19: I understand all the acronyms people use.
If you caringly sent me a ‘gnsd’, I would very caringly think you had mistyped ‘ptsd’.
Misconception 20: I don’t tell my mom everything.
Misconception 21: I don’t tell my mom everything — if you ask me not to tell her everything you just said — about everything in this world.
Misconception 22: I don’t tell my mom something you never did, just for some fun. Just for some great fun if you get on my bad side.
Misconception 23: I don’t get scared — at all — when bees enter my classroom. Which they do all the time.
Misconception 24: I don’t get scared even when they rush past my ears and might drop in to say hi at any moment.
Misconception 25: And I’m not scared of what my mom will do if she finds out you never did that stuff.
Misconception 26: And I don’t care if you didn’t laugh — at all — reading this nicest article of mine.
It’s completely alright if you don’t read the following articles — Misconception 27.
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