Member-only story
Observational humor
When Website Cookie Options Make Your Sanity Crumble
A simple life hack to get you through
I love cookies.
Chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, sugar, and rainbow. I can’t say I love snickerdoodles, but I love the name.
Just saying it aloud makes me happy. I insist you do so right now. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, stand, cup your two hands around your mouth, and yell,
“SNICKERDOODLE!”
I bet that was fun if you didn’t get fired, arrested, or escorted out.
It felt it important to do that to contrast what I am about to describe —
My hatred for website cookies!
Note that to decide on what cookies to accept when a website asks, you need a degree in computer science with a minor in corporate marketing greed. I would also recommend warming up your brain by playing chess and solving Rubik’s cubes for one hour before answering.
I did earn an MBA, and decided it was time to use it, so here is my analysis of non-edible website cookies:
Session Cookies — as in, I need a session with my psychotherapist after reviewing all my website cookie options.
Persistent Cookies — as in websites persist in presenting me with a ball-of-confusion menu of choices. Do I want the ripoff special or the break-the-bank stew?
First-Party Cookies, Third-Party Cookies — no second party cookies? I insist on second-party cookies, or I will let the survey sit and fizzle while I go outside and play cucumber ball — an earlier version of pickle ball.
Strictly Necessary Cookies — If you disable these, your device will blow all of us to kingdom come, where you will meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates and beg forgiveness for causing a global meltdown.
Performance Cookies — I like to keep these active in anticipation of a free performance. Bring on the dancing bears! Sorry, childhood memories.
Functional Cookies — I would call them dysfunctional cookies because most of us are, and admitting this will help in our decision-making and life journey. I sent the…
